Welcome to the “So…Marriage?” Club
February 8, 2020
Hi y’all, welcome back! And for those of you joining for the first time, I am glad you stopped by! Please feel free to browse around the website and read any of the previous posts. If there was a post you felt really resonated with you or if you know of someone who might enjoy reading these, please share. And if you have any suggestions or topics, please let me know in the comments below or through social media @asanworks.
This week, I have a short little story to share with y’all. It is another potential match story, but ironically enough, the match is not for me. It is for my younger brother, Ezra. Last Wednesday, I was having dinner with my parents, and my mother was filling us in on all the updates from India. My mother is the type of person who loves to talk. She always keeps in touch with her siblings and mother and in-laws. And she always knows what is going on well before anyone else. So it was not surprising she had this story to tell us.
Vellimommy (mother’s sister) recently went to the wedding of a relative. It was one of those grandma’s-cousin’s-son’s-daughter type of relative, I have never met them in real life and yet we are family. While at the wedding, she ran into an old neighbor. The woman grew up in my mom’s hometown and went to school with her. She was so excited to see my aunt at the wedding. Aunty had something she desperately wanted to ask her.
She wanted to know if Ezra was of marriageable age and whether or not my parents were looking for someone for him. This aunty has a daughter who just finished her nursing and they want to marry her soon. She is interested in settling abroad. So if Ezra is available, the aunty wanted Vellimommy to talk to my parents and see how they feel.
Dear reader, I think there are some things you need to know about Ezra to truly appreciate how comical this proposal was. First off, the boy is in his early 20s and still in school. He barely has his life together; he is nowhere near ready to settle down. And then there is the small fact that he is my YOUNGER brother. It is a thing among Malayalees (and probably among other South Asians too) that women get married younger than men. For example, 25-28 is an “acceptable” age for a woman to get married –eye roll– while 29-32 for men. Because of that cultural norm, older brothers will usually get married after their younger sisters, and younger brothers will definitely get married after their older sisters. Now, it really would not bother me if Ezra got married before I did. What would bother me is if he got married in his early 20s. But then again, if the right person comes along, would age really matter?
Now, y’all might be wondering how this aunty came to know about Ezra. I do not recall ever meeting this lady before. And if I do not know her, Ezra definitely does not know her. But I do have a theory. Last summer, my family and I went to India for a rather somber event. Our grandfather passed away and we all went for the funeral services. My mom says that the aunty was there for some of those services. I think that was where she may have seen Ezra.
The thing about Ezra is that you know when he is present. He has an aura around him that screams “hey, look at me.” He has big broad shoulders and a sturdy frame. As expected, he also has strength to match. He is the type that if he jokingly shoves me, I fly to the other side of the room. He also has a full beard, mustache, and a fresh fade that makes him look like a stereotypical desi fuckboi. But he is also comfortable in his skin and is not afraid to do things his way, even if it is completely wrong. He is good at defusing stressful situations and cracks jokes all the time. When he laughs, you can not help but laugh along with him; even if you do not think what he said is funny, the way he laughs is hilarious! Those who do not know my family, or do not know us well, always think he is the elder sibling.
So when we were in India, he was doing his thing, helping out with the arrangements, and being supportive. I guess this aunty saw some of that and was like, “he would be perfect for my daughter.” This is what happens when you jump to conclusions before you have all the information. No, Ezra is not looking to get married any time soon. But it is nice to finally have my brother join the “So…Marriage?” club. Nah, the kid has time. He does not need to worry about these things yet. Besides, he’s got his Cheichi holding down the fort so he can do his own thing and become his own person. That is it for this post, see y’all next week!
- Aemi
