First Date

February 1, 2020

Welcome back, y’all! Today, I am going to share the second half of the Kyle story. If you do not know what I am talking about, or if this is your first time on this blog, I recommend you read the previous post first. Of course, you do not have to read it if you do not want to, I ain’t your mother. It just provides the background for this week’s story.

I know I did not talk about Kyle, the person, too much in the last post; it was on purpose. I take these safety measures to protect people’s identities, but the Malayalee community is rather small. No matter how careful I am, someone out there will be able to put the pieces together and figure out who I am talking about. It does not have to be Kyle, it could be any of the people I have mentioned here. That is why I prefer to describe people by my perception of them; this is how I see them based on their actions and their words.

So, returning to where I left off. After much back and forth on what day works best for both of us, we settled for this past Wednesday, January 29. And of course, while I am super excited for this date, Murphy’s Law rears its nasty head into my plans. The whole week leading up to this date, I was sick with the flu that was going around, it got my whole family sick! I was determined to make sure this cold would not keep me down. I took medicine religiously, kept myself warm, and  ate only soft, hearty food. Thankfully, I was better by Wednesday. 

We were going to meet at this Korean place downtown at 6 pm. Now normally, I run on Indian standard time, so 6pm really means 7 under normal circumstances. But this was not a normal circumstance. I was paranoid about being late and having him wait for me, so I left earlier than I needed to from work (it was only 15 minutes away) and got there at 5:50. That was a good thing for me, it gave me time to go to the bathroom and freshen up. After all, first impressions are very important! 

I have to say, I was a bit nervous. This was my first date in many months, and with a stranger none-the-less. My more “recent” dates were with guys that I had gone to school with and we reconnected years later. So when he showed up and looked like his photos, I eased up a bit. Even though we sent photos of each other doing just normal things, the part of me that loves jumping to conclusions is paranoid that someone out there is willing to go to extraordinary lengths just to pull a fast one over me. What would they gain from it? Nothing, but does that stop me from concocting bizarre scenarios? Not at all!

Dinner went well, the food was delicious and the conversation never stopped. Kyle’s real-life personality matched his digital one, and I thoroughly enjoyed his company. What I was most impressed with was that he respected my one condition: that we go Dutch. When we were making plans and figuring out what we should do, I told him straight up that I was going to pay for half of what we were doing.

My thing is, if I do not know the other person well enough, I do not want them paying for me. It is a completely different story if we are close and have known each other for a long time. Then I am comfortable with the other person paying for me, or I paying for the other person, because I know we will eventually net out. But on a first date, we are not at that level yet, so I will pay for my share. 

I have talked to my girlfriends about what is appropriate in terms of financing a date (as in, who should pay for it) and we have different opinions. That is fine, that is how healthy dialogue should be. But what they all agreed on was that it was a sign of his good character that he respected my wishes. 

Unfortunately, I have been in situations where the other person will say one thing when we are making plans, but when the bill comes they go and do the complete opposite. I find that incredibly rude and disrespectful. And before you bring up chivalry, or tell me that this is what a man ought to do, I have to remind you that the only reason I would meet up with someone is if they agreed to my condition. So now, the other person is not being polite, they are being manipulative. They said one thing to get their way, totally disregarding my feelings on the matter. They are taking away my autonomy because I specifically said I wanted to pay for my share. It would be a different scenario if I had not mentioned anything in the beginning and then we played this game when the check came. That is something completely different. 

So, Kyle gets plus points for being respectful of my request. The other thing he gets plus points for is walking with me all the way to the bus station. Maybe he wanted to spend more time with me, I hope that was why. He lives southwest from the restaurant and the bus station was northwest. Whatever his reason may have been, there is a train line that runs from the bus station to his neighborhood. So what is an extra 20 minutes more? We said our goodbyes, and I ran off to catch my bus. Thankfully I made it just in time, they were loading when I got to the line. 

Overall, I had a good time. And we are still talking, so that is a positive, right? I guess so. I do not know where things will go from here. We are talking about a second date coming up soon. How long will this last? Will things work out? Are we both in the right time and space for this to be a potential match? Or will my prophecy come true? I do not have the slightest clue. But that is what is exciting about new potential relationships! There are so many possibilities and anything can happen. Here is to a hopeful future. See you all next week!

- Aemi