Going Back Online

January 25, 2020

Hey y’all, happy Tuesday everyone! If this is the first of my posts that you are reading, welcome! Thank you for stopping by. Now normally, I like to write a post a week, usually about something that happened that week with regards to relationships, social expectations, marriage proposals, etc. For the weeks that are less eventful, I will share a story, usually about something that happened before I started this blog, that I think y’all might be interested in reading. And then, I post it a month later (after it has gone through editing and reviewing). 

So readers, have I got a story to share with you! As with any good story, we need to go back to the beginning. A little over a month ago (back in December), I decided to give the whole dating app thing another go. Prior to this, I had uninstalled Dil Mil and Coffee Meets Bagel. I was not getting matches that I was interested in, or I did not have enough credits to “claim” them. Meanwhile, my four month subscription to M4Marry was expiring. So I just left it all.

It was not that I gave up, but I just needed a break. And sometimes, if you are not getting quality matches, it helps to go offline for a little bit; when you come back online, the algorithm will reset and show you better suited matches. 

But the thing is, I have been more or less single for 7 years now (some relationships had more potential, but it never crossed that “let’s put a label on this,” “boyfriend/girlfriend,” “exclusive” line). And the majority of the time, I am fine with that. There is so much freedom in having only myself to worry about. But then there are times, especially in the fall and winter, when my resolve falters just a little bit, and I would love to share a blanket and hot cocoa with someone. When those feelings hit, I surround myself with my loving family, good friends, and tons of interesting books. I am not sure what urged me, but something said “why not try another platform all together?” And I listened. That is why, mid-December, I downloaded Hinge and set up a profile. 

Do you guys get that novel feeling when you enter a new platform? I mean, in this case, it is a new dating app; but it could be a new social media, traveling somewhere new, or even a new job. I get excited because I am learning the ins and outs of this new area. So, I was searching through the potential matches to see what kind of fish were out there in this sea. Some profiles were familiar, because they were on other sites as well. Towards the end of the month, I was talking to a couple of guys; some of the conversations were interesting and self-sustaining, others not so much (it happens). 

Then, in the afternoon of the eve of Christmas Eve (December 23), I got a notification that Kyle liked a photo of mine. During my lunch break, I open up Hinge to see who this Kyle person is. Turns out, he had a profile I had seen before! Back on Coffee Meets Bagel, he would come up as a potential match, but I did not have enough coffee beans to “claim” him. It might seem silly but I am a big believer in the universe dropping hints and signs, yes, I am aware it makes no logical sense, but belief does not run on logic. So when he liked my profile, it was as if one of those missed connections was coming true. Or, you know, this could be a huge mistake that I will look back on one day and just shake my head in disappointment. It is not clear how all of this will turn out and that is the exciting part!

We started talking, and the topics seemed to flow. Sure, we were both at work and there were long pauses between responses, but we just picked up where the other left off and continued the conversation. We had been talking for less than 24 hours before we exchanged phone numbers. I did not realize it was such a short amount of time until I started writing this post and went back though the old messages. Now, here is another weird/strange sign from the universe: our phone numbers are almost identical! It was off by just two digits. I double checked to make sure it was not my number. Ironically, we spent more time messaging on Instagram than texting. 

I think the main difference between Kyle and the other guys I have been chatting with (both before and after I started this blog) is that our conversations seem to lead from one topic to another without being coerced. It was spontaneous and felt genuine. 

Now, I am fully aware these opinions are observed through the rose-tinted glasses of a potential new relationship. And I know I tend to jump before I look, but can you deny the thrill of excitement as the happy hormones flood your brain when you see your phone light up with a new message? It definitely is a high for me, which is why when things do not work out, I suffer a lot more than I let on. 

But back to Kyle. After talking for something like two weeks, we seemed to like each other enough that we decided it was time to meet in person. Unfortunately, my schedule seemed to be an issue. Kyle and I work in two different states; we are not far from each other (only about an hour’s drive), but it does make things a bit more complicated. Thankfully, my company has an office near where he works, so I can just work from that office whenever we decide to have our date. 

But picking a day is always the hard part. I would say 90% of the time, the problem comes from my side. I cannot just tell my parents, “I have a date tonight, I will be home late.” Are you kidding me? If I breathe even a word about Kyle, my parents will start wedding planning. They are just so desperate for me to get married. I do not even know if I like this guy yet, let alone spend the rest of my life with him! No, I will bend and play into the societal norms, but it will be at my pace. They will not know about Kyle until I have thoroughly vetted him and he has passed my checklist. 

I think this is a good spot to leave this story for now. Come back next week and I will tell you how the date went. 

- Aemi