My Mother’s Complaint
Hi y’all, welcome back. If you are reading this from the US, I hope you enjoyed this nice three-day weekend. If you are reading from somewhere else on this beautiful globe, I hope your weekend was just as lovely. Today’s story actually happened back in the fall, during my little break. But it was something I jotted down because I definitely wanted to share it with you guys.
It was a Saturday morning, I came down for breakfast late because I was working on some other things in the early morning. What this meant was that I had breakfast by myself. I do not mind; I actually prefer that. My mother was cleaning up in the kitchen while talking on the phone, like she normally is on a Saturday morning. It is a constant thing in our home that on Saturdays, you can hear one-sided conversations all throughout the morning. It has been a couple of months, so I forget which of her sisters or cousins or friends she was talking to, but the who does not matter. Regardless of the identity of the person on the other end of this phone call, the topic is always the same: “yes, she is still single. No, she says she does not have anyone.”
Breathe in, breathe out.
It is one of those conversations. By now, I have trained myself to tune them out. It takes too much energy to worry about how other people feel about my relationship status. I have too much going on in my life to add that to my never ending to-do list. But dear readers, you can probably guess this was not a regular conversation, otherwise why would I be writing about it? In the middle of her conversation, I catch my mother saying, “She never goes anywhere to meet people. All she ever does is hang out with her cousins.”
Whoa! Hold up! I never go anywhere? Nu-uh, I think you need to get your memory checked. You never let me go anywhere. Back in high school, you know those critical years when you develop social skills and create your identity, I distinctly remember my parents telling me I was only allowed to go to my friends’ houses for birthday parties. If I wanted to study with them, I could go to the library after school. Sleepovers are an essential part of any teenage girl’s growth. Was I allowed to sleep over at my friends’ houses? Nope. There was never any “let’s hang out at the mall” or “we’re going to the beach” growing up. I had to pick and choose which events I would ask my parents for permission because, as that meme wonderfully captured, if I had fun today, I can’t have fun tomorrow.
It was not all bad, my parents were not completely unreasonable. If I was invited to twenty things, I would ask my parents about five of them, and they might agree to one or two. I remember going with a group of friends to get our nails done before our senior trip to Disney World. If it was some big event like that, they were more willing to let me go. I was allowed to go to my senior prom; I have to thank my older cousin for paving the way for me.
All of this is not to say I had a deprived young adulthood. In fact, my fondest memories come from the times I was able to hang out with my cousins. By some strange logic, I had a free pass to do basically anything with my cousins. Sleepovers, movies, wandering around the mall, going out to eat and coming home very late never raised any concerns or warranted any lectures, as long as I was doing those things with my cousins. I ended up having stronger relationships with my cousins than with my friends.
When I got older, and I was away from my parents’ constantly watchful eye, I would go do things I was never allowed to do before. But rebelling in your twenties has a different feeling. By that time, I had things I liked and things I did not like. I would rather come home from work and cook a nice meal than go out for drinks. Weekends were when I would clear my mind and clean my sanctuary. I was more comfortable as a homebody. That is why, when I moved back home in 2017, I had an easier relationship with my parents.
Now, after years of conditioning, my mother complains that I do not go out and I would rather be at home. Yes mother, I would rather be at home because I never had to fight to be at home. I did not have to plan for days on how to ask you. I did not need to figure out who else would be there or provide a time table of what we would be doing. When I wanted to do something, it was easier to do it with my cousins. And of course, I enjoy hanging out with them. They have become my support network.
I want to leave you with this thought, be aware of how we raise the younger generation. If we told them not to go out, not to date, only focus on their studies, why would we turn around and ask them why they do not have a boyfriend or girlfriend? There is no “significant other orchard” that they could just drive through and pick the one they like best. It takes years to develop personalities and preferences, and they never finish developing. Leave a comment below on the hypocritical things you’ve experienced growing up. As always, see you next time.
- Aemi
