Do You Speak Malayalam?
May 9, 2020
Welcome back y’all. Hope you are safe and doing well! I have to be honest, I do not know what I was expecting May 2020 to be like, but it sure was not this! For anyone not aware of what is going on, a coronavirus entered the human population back in December 2019. It has been five months, and the disease has been upgraded to pandemic status, which means it is worldwide. Here in the US, major areas like Seattle, California, and New York City were hit early and severely; to the point where governors shut down businesses and ordered people to stay at home. But now, as their numbers are coming down, the rest of the country is getting infected. When will this end? How will it end? I do not know. All I know is this was not how I wanted to spend May 2020.
But this post is not about my lamentations, maybe I will save that for a future topic. No, today, I want to share with you something I have noticed in my interactions with my matches. A brief recap for those who might be new to this blog, I am a 26-year-old single Malayalee female. As such, it has become the concern of many people within the Malayalee community that I have not yet married, or even have a suitor. So much so that they feel the need to bring to my awareness all the potential guys they think might be a good match for me. They mean well, and it mostly comes from a place of ignorance, but that does not mean these practices are okay; hence why I poke fun at these practices with stories from my own experience. I hope that you find these entertaining and to some extent relatable. We could all use a little laugh during these Covid days. So, if you enjoy my stories, or if you know someone who will enjoy them, please share.
Even though I make fun of my culture and its convoluted sense of “the right time” for certain milestones, that does not mean I am against the core concept. Sure, I would like to be married and have a family at some point, but I do not see the need for people to bring it up as soon as I had finished school. What is wrong with developing my own identity and figuring out what I want in a partner? After all, is that not what the talking phase is all about? Trying to figure out if the two of us are compatible enough?
So I am on a couple of dating apps, and while I do not get a ton of matches, I get enough to keep me entertained, and provide you guys with stories. One thing I noticed happening was how many times I was asked, “do you speak Malayalam?” Now, at the onset it might seem like a reasonable question; I am Malayalee, the other person is Malayalee. But here is the funny thing: it is the Indian Malayalees that ask me this question within the first few text bubbles, usually within the first day. Diaspora Malayalees, my term for those who were raised outside of Kerala, usually do not ask that question until we have been talking for some time.
This is why it is important to take your time to find out what you want in a partner. Imagine how difficult it would be for someone who is more comfortable speaking in Malayalam to end up with someone who did not know it that well. Ideally, you would want someone with whom you could communicate, unless you think communication is overrated. My point is it is not the big issues like education or career that create successful relationships, but rather the small things like being able to express your needs and concerns in a manner both parties can understand.
Last week, I mentioned that I would like someone who understood Malayalam. For me, it is important that I have another way to convey my thoughts and feelings. There are phrases and expressions in Malayalam that do not exist, or exist but not to the same degree, in English. For example, the word “akrantham” is used to describe someone’s actions as hasty, eager, and done with without caution. If you type it into Google Translate, they define it as “aggression” but it is not aggression, not entirely. Sure, it might be done in an aggressive manner, but that is due to the lack of care or skill for the task. English does not have a one-word equivalent for that action, so sometimes it is nice to judge someone’s actions by simply saying “hmm, akrantham.” But then, there are words that exist in English that do not have an equivalent Malayalam word, such as “cousin.” In Malayalam, you would have to trace the relationship (i.e., my father’s sister’s daughter). I was fortunate enough to have learned Malayalam as a child so that I can speak it well enough to get my message across. And I would like someone with whom I can speak my broken Malayalam with as well.
Now, this is not to say anything bad about mixed relationships. Afterall, everyone's situation is unique and what works for one couple does not need to work for another. This post is sharing my preferences upon reflecting on my own mixed relationships. What I have come to realize is that I want my partner to already have this baseline knowledge of our second language. Maybe I would have a different opinion if my previous partners (all of whom were non-Malayalee) showed more interest in learning my language. But then again, back then I wanted separation from my Malayalee culture, so I never asked them if they wanted to learn. If you are in a mixed relationship, and language is a non-issue for you, or it is something you are actively exploring with your partner, I think that is a beautiful thing.
That is it for this week, I know it was a slightly shorter post. It was one of those topics that crossed my mind as an interesting observation. I hope y’all are staying safe. If you are finding yourself bored since shops and venues are still closed, I suggest you write to me about what has been going on (instructions here). Or if you would like to suggest topics you want me to address, you can contact me on these fine platforms: Instagram, Twitter, or Facebook. See you all next week!
- Aemi
