Messages

Wow, part three? When I started this story, I did not think it would take this long. There is a content advisory for today’s post as I used some strong language. Typically, I prefer to keep my posts PG-13. But this post has a lot of inner monologue that was angry and hurt. I know you are eager to find out what happened, so let's get back to the story. If this is your first time on my blog, I highly recommend you read Part 1 and Part 2 for context.

To briefly recap, I was talking to Andrew on Saturday night about his friend, Grant. I needed to verify if what my cousin, Rowan, had told me was true. Unfortunately, it was; Grant was married. Of course he is! Just my luck, right? No storybook of dating adventures would be complete without someone being married. After some deliberation, I decided that I did need to tell Grant’s wife what happened. All these months later, and I still stand by that decision. But it was already night, and I did not want to message a stranger that late. So, I would wait until after home-church service to message her. Again, this was in March and, while indoor capacities were increasing, my parents were not comfortable going back to places so soon.

All night I thought about what I should say to her. Did she know about me? Would she believe me? Would she do something drastic? All throughout the church service, my mind kept wandering back to this predicament. I was hurting, mentally, emotionally, and physically. But despite all that, I felt sorry for Leena. Here I was, the other woman, but I found out before anything really happened. We had not even met in person yet. I could leave and the only thing damaged would be my ego. But this was her marriage. Would she be willing to leave? Would she want to stay? She has to be the one who deals with his actions, not me.

And then there was him. Despite all of this, I could not find it in myself to hate him. Oh, trust me, it was not for any love or loyalty to him. I pity him. What state of mind are you in to cheat on your spouse? Here I am, just trying to find a decent partner, and he was willing to throw it away. During service, I prayed that he would change his behavior. That he no longer wanders, that he finds devotion in what he already has. If he cannot do that, then he needs to be an adult and formally separate. There is nothing to be gained from cheating. 

After service, I decided it was time to message Leena. The message was short and to the point, “you don’t know me, but I need to talk to you about Grant.” Half an hour later, guess who messaged me? I will give you a clue, it was not Leena. Nope, it was Grant. The fact that he messaged me so soon after I had messaged Leena was a curious thing. But that did not click in my mind at the time. I opened up his message, anxious to read his response. How was he going to justify this?

The first thing I noticed was that he called me “babe.” The audacity of this man! After knowing that I knew, he still thought he was entitled to call me with terms of endearment? No fucking way!

The next thing he did was apologize. But what he was apologizing for, I do not know. It seems like he was sorry he got caught, not that he lied or cheated. He then proceeded to tell me that what Andrew told me, about him being married, was true. At least he admitted it.

But it did not end there. He had the nerve to say to me, “I met you when my wife and I were fighting and I was going through things and you came in.” Boy, you are using a lot of words very loosely there. You did not “meet” me, we matched on a dating app. He makes it seem like we met at a party or through common circumstances and started to develop feelings for each other organically. As if it just happened that way. No, it did not. There were a lot of conscious decisions and actions for us to have “met”. You need to download the app. You have to set up a profile. You need to swipe on the other person’s profile. It was all purposeful, but Grant was trying to play it off like it just happened. 

“You were very comforting and you understood me well.” No shit, Sherlock. That is who I am! I am empathetic, and supportive, and a goddamn good person. And you took advantage of that. You might have even ruined it for the next person because every time I talk to someone, I will wonder what they are hiding. Grant did not shatter my heart, he just drove a piece of glass into it and let it bleed out.

Then he told me something rather surprising, “even my wife knows about you.” What? Your wife knew and you still cheated on her? These revelations kept getting worse! At this point, I did not know if he was lying to save face or pacify me or because he could not stop. Or maybe he was telling the truth. Maybe Andrew told him that I was going to tell Leena. Or maybe he was watching her accounts, something I suspected but never confirmed. Whatever his reason may be, I did not believe anything he told me. Even if she already knew, I needed to tell her myself.

He continued his message with the most ridiculous lie yet: “I was going to tell you when I saw you, but it doesn’t matter now.” Bull-fucking-shit. He was never going to tell me. The only reason he was even saying all of this now was because I found out. If I had never asked around, he would have continued his façade. 

He ended his message with, “I know you hate me. I am only here to tell you don’t hate me. I won’t bother you no more. *two smiling tear emoji* I really enjoyed your friendship so thank you. *two winking kissing emoji*” If only it were that simple. If Grant was genuine in his apology, I would have accepted it. We could move on with our lives. But it was not that simple. He was not genuine. I will not accept his apology.

I am absolutely certain that he would not have come clean on his own accord. His wife probably does not know; I assume Grant said all those things to stop me from talking to her. He was not sorry he cheated, he was sorry he got caught. But he was right about one thing: I do understand him very well. This story continues. 

- Aemi