“Hey”

December 21, 2019

Welcome back! I hope you enjoyed our guest writer from last week. If you would like to share your own story here, I am more than happy to feature you! Just send me a message on Facebook, Instagram, or Twitter @asanworks or by email at asanworks@gmail.com . Part of the reason I write these posts comes from my love of stories. I grew up sitting in the kitchen, just listening to all the stories my mom and ammachi and aunts would share as they were cooking food. It was the way I connected with my culture. Whenever I want to connect with other people, I like to exchange stories. So if you have a story you would like to share, by all means reach out! 

This week, the story I want to share is not really the funny/amusing type. Honesty, I was debating if I wanted to even share it. But I am going to share it because not everything in life is funny or amusing. Sometimes it is  downright frustrating. But we have to deal with those situations as well. Also, maybe someone else is going through a similar situation and this post will let them know they are not alone.

This past Monday, I was getting ready for work like normal. As I was waiting by the toaster for my breakfast croissant to warm, I saw my phone light up. It is normal for me to get snaps in the morning, my friends complaining about their commutes, but this was a text message, that is not normal. The message was simple enough, all it said was “Hey”. But what bothered me was who sent the message, it was my ex.

Now, I am not the type of person who, after a break up, will tear apart photos, block the other person, stop all communications, or essentially cut them out of my life. My philosophy is that we shared a part of each other’s lives; that cannot be changed. Just because we did not work out does not mean our time together can be erased. I try to find a civil middle ground. It is not like we become best friends, but at least we can wish each other well.

Kilian and I met in college, we were friends my freshman year. My sophomore year, we dated for a few months. But things started to get weird and we broke up; except things did not really end. We were on and off for a couple more months. October of my junior year, I come to find out Kilian has a girlfriend, in hindsight it makes sense why he was acting all weird when we started school again. I thought things would be closer to our freshman year “normal,” but it was not. He would be flirty and playful around me and frequently cross lines that I felt should obviously not be crossed. Every time I called him out on it, he would apologize and lay low for some time. You know that saying “fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me”? How great of a fool am I to have fallen for his antics for six years?

Then this past summer, before I started this blog, in a dramatic grand gesture, Kilian sent me this paragraph long message about how he was sorry for hurting me over the years and realized how much of an asshole he had been. So to prevent him from hurting me in the future, he was going to delete my number and I would not be hearing from him again. He ended it by wishing me the best with everything. You wanna know the kicker? After not talking to me for two days, because I called him out on his bs again, he sent this message the day before my birthday! To be perfectly honest, I do not think he realized that when he wrote it. If he did, maybe he thought this would be his birthday present for me. Whatever the case, I did not respond to that message. After all, he said he would be deleting my number, so why give him the opportunity to have it again?

Fast forward six month and I get a “Hey” from someone who supposedly had deleted my number. If you ask me, he sent me that paragraph to appease me for his screw up. He probably thought he could lay low for some time and after I had cooled down, I would message him. Since that did not happen, I assume he messaged me to test the waters. But here is the thing, I am tired of his behavior. I have been justifying it, saying that I am a good and forgiving person. The bible teaches us to forgive our brother seven times seventy. But I cannot do it anymore. He has not changed in the years that I have known him, and as sad as it sounds, I do not believe he ever will. I need to make sure that I do not keep getting hurt. I do not see how we can have a platonic relationship. I really wish it did not have to come to this, but I feel that I have no choice but to cut Kilian out of my life. 

I would love to hear your thoughts on this. Do you think I did the right thing? Maybe this was long overdue? Should I have given Kilian another chance? Let me know in the comments below!

- Aemi