Funny Business

Welcome back, y’all. This past week marks one year since COVID-19 was designated as a pandemic. I cannot believe how quickly and slowly this year has gone by! How is everyone doing? Still out there, still surviving? I want to do a wellness check. Take a quick second to scroll to the bottom and leave a comment on how you are feeling right now. It does not matter when you are reading this post (it could be the day it is posted or 5 years from now). Go do it! The story will still be here when you come back. Did you do it? I know you didn’t, what are you waiting for?

This week’s story follows a parallel track to last week. Last week, I wrote about attraction as one metric to measure compatibility. A lot of people consider this high in their “requirements”. While attraction is important for me, it is not as important as another metric: humor. 

Do we have similar tastes in comedy? Can he tell when I am joking versus when I am being serious? Does he make me laugh (and do I make him laugh)? I think humor is vital in any strong relationship, and if you both are not on the same page, the relationship can get sour very quickly. That is what happened with one of my Pandemic Possibilities. This is the story of Eddie.

It is hard to believe that this story happened half a year ago. Let me provide a little background information of what September 2020 looked like. Ezra had started his new job and moved back to his old place, the two classes I was taking in the fall just began, the cases and deaths from the pandemic were low, but beginning to rise, and I was rebounding from my summer crush. 

Eddie was not like my other matches, mainly because he was not Malayalee. But, ironically enough, he was Orthodox. In the back of my mind, I knew this would not last long. In the front of my mind, I just wanted to forget the heartbreak. 

We were talking on Hinge at first. I like the beginning part, when you are just starting to know the other person. There are so many potential stories to share and learn! Early on, I asked Eddie if meeting in person at this time was something he felt strongly about. My stance was that as long as the pandemic was still raging and there was no vaccine available, I would not take the risk of meeting someone in person. 

Unfortunately for me, meeting in person was something he was adamant about. I was exhausted from having to explain myself over and over again to my summer crush; I did not want to go through all of that again. I suggested that we end things then. There is no point in dragging this on for months, especially if we do not know when things would be going back to normal. However, Eddie wanted to continue talking. I did not mind having a new friend but I told him I would not be changing my mind about an in-person meeting anytime soon. He understood.

The more that we talked, the more I realized we were not as compatible as I thought. My style of humor is the self-deprecating and sarcastic kind. I measure how close I am with someone by how comfortable I am being “mean” to them. Basically, if you think I am a nice person, we are not that close. The thing is, I am not going to be mean to a random person for no reason. I test the waters to see how much the other person can handle, little by little. But I am also receptive of things that can be funny and things that are sore spots; I am mean, not cruel. 

I do not know how many of y’all use Whatsapp, but hopefully you know what I am talking about (it is a messaging platform). Back when I was first talking to Kyle (do y’all remember him?), I realized I can hide the read receipts of my messages. This was a game changer for me. To be perfectly honest, I did not like that the platform announced whether or not I read a message. 90% of the time, I will be too busy to respond to a message right away. I will quickly read it just to see what it said and determine the urgency of it. But if a read receipt is sent, then the person I am having this conversation with might think I am ignoring them; I am not, I am just waiting for a better time when I can devote my attention to their message. Because of this, I have my read receipts turned off for one-on-one messages.

The trouble started when Eddie and I started texting via Whatsapp. Eddie hated that he could not see if I had read his messages or not. It became a point of contention between us. At first, I brushed it off and countered that I could not see his read receipts either. I insisted that he must have had his turned off as well. I can only assume he felt insulted because he accused me of calling him a liar. This is when I realized things were not going as I had planned. 

I was not calling him a liar, but I can be accusatory. It was meant to be in good fun. I will playfully call people jerks or say that they are being mean. This is in the context of lighthearted conversation. But I will admit, it can be hard to convey that through text. Also, it did not help that I was wrong about the read receipts. Turns out, since I had mine off, I could not see other people’s either. Once I realized my mistake, I apologized. 

This was over the course of a couple of days, but I learned something very important through that interaction. Eddie was not reacting like others to my banter. It could be that I was not presenting it in a way that was playful, but he was not receiving it in a playful manner either. I realized I needed to tone it down. 

A couple of weeks went by and my normal charm was not working like it usually does. I was disappointed, and a tad bit frustrated, but hey, my sarcastic humor is not for everyone. Anyway, the end came rather abruptly. Normally, I can sense when things are going south and the end is coming soon, this is more obvious when potentials fade away into non-happenings. But that was not the case with Eddie. 

One beautiful Sunday afternoon, Eddie messaged me asking how my weekend was going. I prattled off a list of assignments, projects, and chores I was hoping to accomplish that day. He was bored and wanted me to entertain him. I replied that I was busy at the moment but could keep him company in the evening. To this, he replied that it was not necessary, he found a movie to watch. Wishing to keep the conversation going, and avoid doing my assignment, I asked him which movie. “Sorry to bother you,” was his next message. 

Now, what do y’all think he meant by that? Because to my sarcastic self, it sounded like he was being passive aggressive. I respond with the raised eyebrow emoji, kinda implying “really?” Eddie immediately replies with the rolling eyes emoji and says, “It’s the name of the movie.”

Well, there is a simple way to find out if it is, just Google it. Lo and behold, there really is a movie called “Sorry to Bother You” starring LaKeith Stanfield and Tessa Thompson. I message him back saying that it sounded like he was being sarcastic and that the movie was conveniently named. But then, almost out of left field, Eddie counters with “why do you keep thinking stuff like that? I’m not out to get you.”

This is where I made a big mistake; I did not realize he was being genuine. In my attempt to lighten the mood, I took his comment as a joke and responded with “that’s exactly what someone who is out to get me would say.” I included emojis to emphasize the lightheartedness of my response. But that is not how he saw it. He was pretty sure I was being at least half serious. He tells me that it is not healthy and that we should not continue talking. 

I asked Eddie if he was being serious, because now I am confused. Was this his way of joking back? Although, it would have been in poor taste. Yes, my jokes tend to run on the darker side of the spectrum, but I would not go so far as to call it unhealthy. Nor was this a situation worth ending things over. He said he was serious.

I was surprised. I cannot say I saw this end coming. The more I think about it, the less it makes sense to me. I wonder if there was something else and he just used this as an excuse. Well, whatever his reasoning, I was not going to argue against it. I said okay and left it at that. 

I learned two lessons from this encounter. First is the importance of finding someone with a compatible sense of humor. Being able to joke with each other, about each other, without hurting each other is a key building block of a relationship. The second is that my sense of humor is not for everyone and it might be more fruitful to take it slower, ease potentials into it. 

Before I end this post, I just want to congratulate my oldest friend who is  practically my sister, Tara, on her recent engagement. I am so happy for you and Lias and wish you nothing but happiness and joy! 

- Aemi