Crushed

October 26, 2019

Welcome back! Did you know I went to the family and youth conference (FYC) this past summer? It was a four day event at Kalahari resorts and I have to say, it was not as bad as I thought it was going to be, you know as far as religious things go. This was my first time going in almost two decades. I think the last time I had gone was when I was around 7 years old. The organizers did a good job creating schedules for the different age groups that were attending. The main speaker for my group was a dean from the Russian Orthodox seminary nearby. He was a fantastic speaker, like he knew how to preach without it sounding like a lecture! Overall, I had a good experience. 

Unfortunately, there is a rather negative (or positive, depends on which side you are standing on) stigma for people of my age going to FYC. Why? Because there is this presumption that young Orthodox Malayalees can find other young Orthodox Malayalees (aka potential partners). I mean, what would be better than finding your future husband or wife at a church event? Please read that with the most sarcastic voice you could come up with. Guys, I cannot tell you how many people have told me, “oh you’re going there to find someone?” or the all-knowing “oh?” Like, Aunty, sit back down, this is a Jesus conference!

That is not to say I didn’t have ulterior motives of my own for agreeing to go to FYC this year. But unlike the aunties who wanted me to find any guy, I was on the hunt for a specific guy. We shall call him David. You see, the thing about David is that our families have been friends for longer than either of us have been alive. We essentially grew up together. But then we moved, changed churches, and did not see each other as often anymore. David is a year older than me, so we would be in the same group for competitions every alternate year. In fact, the last year I competed, it was the two of us that made it to the diocese level, at which point I crushed him and came home with the 1st prize trophy in elocution. But you know, being the young, naïve, romantic I was, I had developed a crush on him. Truth be told, he was my first crush. It was not until I was in grad school that I even hinted I liked him. Even though he knew, nothing ever happened. He was always working or hanging out with his friends. And I was in grad school, I did not have as much free time as I do now. Our schedules just never aligned. 

So I know this kid’s family is super involved in church activities. They had gone to FYC last year, and so I was hoping they would be coming this year too. I thought if he was there, and I was there, maybe things would line up and I could make a move, or at the very least get closure. I did not ask him if he was coming or not. The last time I messaged him, it was about him giving someone a giant stuffed teddy bear. I did not ask who, because I would rather it be a faceless entity. I assumed it was for a girl he liked, he does not seem like the kind of guy who buys giant stuffed bears for his bros. I can neither confirm nor deny my suspicions, so I was hoping I could get some clarity at FYC. If he had someone else, I was not going to interfere with that. Good for him for finding someone, right?

But alas…neither he nor his family came to FYC this year. Such a bummer! I did not text David to find out why he did not come. Part of it was I was embarrassed I even feel this way about him after all these years. Anyway, why bring up ancient history? Maybe this was the universe’s way of telling me David is not the right guy. It seems like if the universe does not approve of my selection of men, it should at least provide me with some that it does approve of. 

Okay, I know this week was kind of short, but I have  just one last thing before I sign off. Normally, my shout outs have been relationship related. But this week, I want to say Happy Birthday to my awesome cousin Alex! She is my second pair of eyes on these posts before they go out. Y’all do not understand, she is in the middle of law school and still takes time to proofread my stories! Thank you for helping me out with all of this and being a gem in my life. Happy Birthday Alex, hope this year is awesome and filled with great stories!

- Aemi