The Road Thus Far
August 17, 2019
Every story needs a beginning. Since I have no intention of recounting to you the past 26 years, this story begins last month.
Not too long ago, my grandfather had passed away. On his 41st day of demise, our former priest and his wife came over to our home. I am going to break into an aside just for a moment and explain some cultural significances for those who may not understand. It is an Indian Orthodox/Catholic (I’m not sure which other denominations, but I am sure of these two) belief that after a person dies, their soul wanders the earth for 40 days (the same amount of time Jesus was around after he rose from the dead). During that time, the soul will visit families and friends, people whom they loved and those who loved them. On the 41st day, the soul will leave this world and move onto the next phase. Also, Orthodox priests can get married.
Now back to the story. They are family friends we’ve known for years. So Kochamma (the respectful way of addressing a priest’s wife) has been asking my parents if I have anyone or am looking at potential suitors, because they know the *perfect* match for me! This has been going on since I was in undergrad. Normally, I just brush it off because, let’s be serious, who’s gonna marry someone without a degree or a job? But now, I have 2 degrees, a job, and I’ve run out of valid excuses. By the way, “not wanting to get married” is not a valid excuse. When they came over last month, Kochamma brought it up again and this time, my parents were like “sure, there’s no harm in finding out.” Another aside, it’s not like my parents made these decisions on their own. I was there when this conversation was happening. They had my resignation (read as consent) before they answered. They were super excited about this and said they would talk with the guy’s parents to see if he was still available.
Fast forward about a week and Achen (title for a priest; literally means “father”) calls up my dad to say what’s what. Now, I’m paraphrasing a little bit here, but…he’s like, “so, Kochamma and I talked to the parents and they’re like, ‘yea, we’re still looking.’ So here’s the deets, the cherkan’s (guy’s) name is Jacob Samuel. He’s a little bit older than Aemi, but he’s very religious and his parents Chackochan and Amaini are very active at their church in Long Island.” My parents are hearing all this and suddenly look up from the phone and give each other a look. Or at least that’s what I imagine they did, since I was on my way home from work when this call came. They hear the rest of what Achen has to say and let him know they will pass on the information to me.
Child, *clap* let *clap* me *clap* tell *clap* you! This call came in on a Monday evening. Neither of them say ANYTHING about this when I come home from work on Monday. Nothing on Tuesday, on Wednesday, or on Thursday! It’s Friday evening, I’ve come home from work, I’m washing the plate from my dinner, my parents are in the kitchen cooking some dish, and my mom casually tells me, “oh yeah, Achen called about that guy.” 😑 You couldn’t tell me this sooner?
Now here is the thing about Jacob Samuel. He’s 32, 6 years is not a big deal, over 6 ft. tall, I’m 5’4” which tends to be on the taller side for Indian women, and has a non-typical career, meaning he’s not a doctor or engineer (definitely a plus point). But here’s the other thing: I already knew all this about this guy…because he was a potential suitor for my cousin. Hence why I can only imagine my parents gave each other a look when they found out THIS was the guy Achen and Kochamma were talking about for years.
To my knowledge, there was nothing wrong with the proposal when it was brought up to my Cheichi (Malayalam term for older sister, or someone of that status). It’s just nothing came out of it. Busy people with busy lives; ain’t got time for this match making. And this happened a couple years ago, not sure if there is an appropriate time limit on these things? Anyway, that match didn’t happen and everyone moved on. Unfortunately, that also meant it was a no-go for me. But, even though nothing happened, and I wouldn’t even be surprised if neither of them had even spoken to each other, that fact that this is the same guy is enough for alkare (people) to start talking. Also, I’m pretty sure there was some serial (“soap opera” in American) with that plotline. I don’t need people talking about me like that. Besides, if it’s meant to be, it won’t matter who objects or protests, it will happen.
We called up Achen the following Sunday and told him, “look, we don’t want to step on anyone’s toes. Thank you for thinking about us, but this matching is not going to work out.” I may have paraphrased a little bit. Achen was totally understanding and was sorry he didn’t know about this whole other backstory.
I hope whoever is reading this is laughing along with me. This wasn’t a sad story, quite the opposite. Talk about irony! When this happened, I wanted to write about it in my journal, it’s what I normally do. But I also wanted to know how many people had a similar experience. That’s when I realized, I have no idea what other people’s stories are. Part of it is that Malayalees are very closed and don’t want to share their business with the world, but are always looking for a good story (*cough* gossip) to share. Well, if I can’t find stories, I might as well share mine. At the very least, it’ll be good to laugh at the “back in my day” stories I can share 20 years from now. At the very most, these stories will help someone in their own journey. Millions of people get married every year, not a statistical fact, but very few share the ups and downs that happen along the way.
Before I sign off, I just want to give a shout out to my girl Victoria and her now husband Tim who got married today! Congrats guys, I wish you nothing but happiness, joy, and lots of love in your life together.
So, see you in the next post about my latest update.
- Aemi
P.S. All the names used in this post have been changed. I apologize to any real Jacob Samuels out there, I’m not talking about you. I literally picked the first two biblical names that came to mind.
