Can I Have Her Number?
November 16, 2019
Hi y’all, hope you are all doing well. This week, I am not feeling well, definitely caught something. The other day, my joints were in pain. This is not the first time my body has fallen apart. I swear, I am only 26, but my body acts like it is 76: joint pain, creaking knees, muscle stiffness. My 81 year old grandfather was in better shape. But don’t worry, you almost certainly will not catch anything from me, what with this being a digital forum and all. That does, however, mean this week’s post will be fairly short.
Two weeks ago, my parents attended the wedding of a church member’s daughter. Yes, they celebrated their 30th anniversary by going to a wedding. Fast forward to last Sunday, the father of the bride comes up to my dad after the church service and starts asking him the usual questions…“How old is your daughter? Does she have anyone? Are you looking for her?” –sigh–
For those of you new to Malayalee culture, these questions are stereotypical aunty behavior. But that does not mean we do not get a fair share of grief from uncles as well. While uncles may not be persistent in this area, they are not silent players, especially if they have children they are trying to marry off.
The uncle who was talking to my dad also has a son. Now that his daughter has been married and “settled,” time and resources can be focused on his next child. He asked my father for my number to give to his son to talk to me.
What I do not understand is why the uncle did not just ask me? “Because that is not how things are supposed to be,” my mother would say. “It is more appropriate to talk to the parents.” I’m sorry, but mother, are you the one that is going to marry his son? This is not 70 years ago where the children getting married were literal children. My grandparents were 18 and 15 when they were married.
My dad shared this conversation with us as we were driving back home after church. So now I am in the same place I was with Lucas about a month ago, just waiting for the other person to text me and initiate things.
I have thought a lot about this over the week, not much else to do when sitting up requires too much energy. I think what bothers me the most is that I feel like I am losing control over what is happening around me. This is not a unique situation; Lenny asked if he could give my number to Lucas and I said yes. But the key difference is that Lenny asked ME. Had the uncle came and talked to me, I would have definitely given him my number. In this digital/virtual age, I feel that things like phone numbers and emails are incredibly personal pieces of information. It should be your choice on how publicly available you want to make these items. As much as I love my parents, what bothers me is that my phone number is not their information to give out.
Let me know below how you feel about parents sharing phone numbers, emails, or other pieces of personal information with their peers without asking you about it. Perhaps I am making a mountain out of a molehill. What are your experiences with it? I would love to know more, comment below! So until next time.
- Aemi
