A Hit or Miss
January 4, 2020
Happy New Year! Welcome to 2020. I hope y'all got to spend some time with your families, friends, and loved ones! Last year, I began telling you my Christmas Eve story and left it on a cliffhanger. Just to recap, the son of the uncle who asked my father for my number is finally back home and came to the Christmas Eve service. This would be the first time that either of us spoke to each other and the parents were making a big deal about us meeting. In their minds, they think we would make a good couple. I had just gotten to the group, but my father and brother were already there getting to know the parents. So here is the second part of the story.
Where is the cherkan (boy) you might ask? Well, he is there, standing behind the row of parents leaning against the podium that holds the guest book for the church. I often wonder who the type of people are that sign guest books at a church. Anyway, this is not the post to contemplate human nature. Back to the story. This is the first time either of us are meeting each other. He was wearing a green shirt because that is what you do on Christmas, you wear green or red colored clothing. But seeing him at that time, you would not know he was wearing a green shirt since he had his jacket on as if he was ready to leave. Like, boy, I wore this heavy sexy gown on a chilly winter night to be complimented; the least you could do is show me you know how to dress up as well! It is not like you know I have scouted you out while we were eating. Who knows, maybe he was cold wearing his long sleeve shirt.
When I get there with my mother, we (as in all the family members) attempt to make small talk. Guys, let me tell you, it was painfully awkward! I think we even talked about the weather. We had been standing there for at least a minute, and it was clear to me that his parents were not going to introduce him, nor was he going to introduce himself. How can he when he was leaning outside of our makeshift Indian circle? I could not take the mild pleasantries and smiles anymore, all of this seemed surreal, so I did what I thought was the best way to handle this situation. I turned to the son, stuck out my hand, and said with a pleasant voice and a wide smile, “Okay, this is getting awkward. Hi my name is Aemi.” He shook my hand and told me his name was Rollins.
The parents took a couple of steps away so that Rollins and I could talk and get to know each other. The rest of the conversation went fairly normal. He works for pharma and enjoys his work. He is home for the break, but he will be going back right after New Year’s. We then talk about books and reading. I told him one of my favorite books was Candide by Voltaire. He told me he was not very good at history back in school. We talked for some time, maybe 10 minutes, as the hall was emptying out. When we came to a break in our conversation, I looked around and saw that there were only a few families left. We said our goodbyes and then awkwardly started to walk in the same direction. I pretended to stay back because I needed to find my mother, but I knew where she was, she was taking photos with her friends all decked out in their Christmas outfits.
After we had gotten into the car, my mom made a comment, “Angane athiyathu pennukanil aye” (“so that was your first ‘seeing the girl’”). For my non-Malayalee readers, I want to give a brief culture lesson. Back in the day when parents and relatives essentially set up marriages, there was an obligatory meeting of the to-be-bride and groom. It was a time for both families to formally meet, set up arrangements, and perhaps most importantly verify who is marrying whom. It may seem strange now, but you could go from being single and living your best life to married and moving in with your spouse in a matter of two weeks! So the opportunity to meet the other person was a crucial step and often done in an elaborate manner. It is called a “pennukanil” because the guy and his family come to the girl’s home to visit them. That was back in the day, today it is a bit different. Chances are the couple has already met, perhaps even dated, before the pennukanil. Some people choose to go the more traditional route with arranged marriages, but at the very least they have talked to each other prior to the official meeting. A lot of the married people that I know did their pennukanil because it was just part of the tradition, and not necessarily the first time they were interacting with their potential future spouse.
I grew up watching Malayalam movies, so my unrealistic expectation of the pennukanil was going out to the parambil (yard) and talking by a mango or banana tree; the kids in the house would be peeping through the windows trying to hear what we were talking about. I know it will not happen like that, I am not completely delusional.
I do not know if I would call this a pennukanil though. For one thing, it was rushed to be on Christmas Eve because my brother and I are going on a trip the following weekend. This was the only time I could meet Rollins. But perhaps more importantly, it seemed like Rollins was not very keen on this whole arrangement; at least to me it did not seem like it. It really bothers me that when we got there, he was standing behind his parents, almost as if he was hiding. And even after all the pleasantries were exchanged, he did not say anything until I specifically introduced myself to him. Then, even our conversation seemed tepid. The more I thought about it, the more something seemed off about the whole thing. He supposedly had my number for a month and a half before we met. He did not message me even once; in fact, he supposedly said that it would be awkward to message me without actually meeting me first. I can only speak for myself, but I text potentials and figure out if they are worth meeting in real life, not the other way around.
I do not know what his reasons may be: maybe he was coerced into this by his parents, maybe he is socially awkward, maybe he was caught off guard to be doing this on Christmas Eve. Whatever the case, I did not come away feeling positive about that interaction. It has been a week and a half since we talked, Rollins has not messaged me. I think that is a clear sign he probably felt the same way too. Oh well, sometimes you hit, sometimes you miss. This just so happens to be a miss. I am sure there will be plenty more stories like this to come. So hopefully, you will stick around to read them too.
Just a heads up, there will be no post next week. I am going to do some cleanup and troubleshooting on this website. So new post in two week! But follow my social media accounts to stay up to date on what is happening: Facebook/ Instagram/ Twitter @asanworks. Until next time.
- Aemi
